daringtobe's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beautiful Boy....No Epic Love

Good Morning! I feel much better today, plenty of sleep last night.....I kept having wierd dreams...but I think that is a side effect from my medication. My mind is just going a mile a minute right now....I was thinking about this guy I used to know way back when...as a matter of fact we dated for a little over a year....and he was beautiful. I'm not kidding. I was simply amazed that someone that good looking could be attracted to me....I think of him from time to time...I remember watching him sleep, touching his face with mine, and his smell....he always smelled clean, like soap.... I think what drew me to him was (of course the good looking thing, duh!) but also I think I was trying to prove something to myself...the ugly,fat girl that I have trapped inside of me....I wanted to show her that I was okay looking....worthy of someone decent looking loving her. What's really odd though...that's not the type of guy I geniunely fall for. For some reason I like the geeky type. The ones with the humor and the good personality.....that make me laugh...and laugh at my jokes.....

Anyway...enough about that...I don't know why I keep talking about stuff like this....I think I am just trying to understand things about myself a little better....

I have come to the conclusion that there is no "epic" love. I have had to give up on the idea and the dream of true love.....and I am coming to terms with it. Being a romantic at heart this is very hard for me. But come on, no one really believes in true love anymore. I am going to focus on building up the relationships that I have right now in my life. I am going to quit thinking about - what if there is something more? This will have to be enough. It's gotta be.

Well time to get to work.....bye!

7:29 a.m. - 2003-06-24

*******************************

previous next