daringtobe's Diaryland Diary

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Kicking Back and Dreaming

Howdy Ho! Well I got my haircut, doesn't look too bad, and my hamster is still alive. I had some chicken for dinner and I am ready to take another nap.....I am completely unmotivated to talk or to socialize with anyone...I want to stay at home and wrap myself up and try to keep a tight handle on my multitude of insecurities....and believe me - I have a ton of them. I keep having wierd dreams....where they've got to be meaning something but I do not know what....the one I had last night was really disturbing...I won't get into it because I am trying to forget it...but it was very strange. My eye is still twitching....great...I have a "tick" now....I guess as long as I don't start pissing myself I'll be okay.....

I think next weekend is a go out kinda weekend....but this one is a relaxing one. I think I might bake a cake tomorrow...I like baking...it is soothing I wish I could have a dinner party with nothing but cake...but I don't really know of anyone I would really want to have over...My husband might invite some of his co-workers over for a cookout....and the guy with Urine Fettish is in that group. As a matter of fact I am baking him a cake for his birthday...Chocolate Swirl....I know, I know, I thought of making him one that was more yellow and citrusy, but hey he likes chocolate.

Thats enough from me right now....except I wish I was in love....deliciously in love with someone who loved me.....sad isn't...that will never happen and not just for me either....people go through there whole lives looking and end either settling or giving up...but like one of my inner voices always says...there is more to life then love - I guess what happened with me and that guy made me realize how badly I was needing that....oh well....I bet he is just fine with his life....thats the funny thing...here I am still pathetic...and there he is....getting some every night, partying with his friends and what not....life sure isn't fair is it? damnit. but my eye is twitching again...bye for now!

6:34 p.m. - 2003-07-05

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