daringtobe's Diaryland Diary

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Crazy and Back Again....

I'm here. I'm doing okay. My brother just called to check on me and I hate the fact that I can't make myself feel good on command. He is taking me to lunch tomorrow for some cajun food so that should make me feel better...or not...who knows really. I sound worse in here on the diary, honestly. When I'm at work I pretend and act like I'm okay...so by the time I get home there is nothing left. But on a happier note....my hamster is doing okay and my parents are going out of town again this weekend.

I've been listening to some good tunes lately at work...I listen to Jakob Dylan and the Wallflowers when I get like this...some Bruce and Pete Yorn as well, but mostly the Wallflowers. I listen to the lyrics and they make me feel not so alone inside this odd head of mine, with its ugly thoughts. When I went crazy last August, I had this compulsion to throw myself out of my car, whether or not I was the one driving it or not. To keep my mind occupied I would sing really loud to the car radio all the way home. My voice got really hoarse and in hindsight, must have sounded sexy.....too bad I was insane or I could have enjoyed it! I know that I am better now...but I have so much more traveling to do with this mental luggage.....my legs and arms are getting tired.

I will talk again later!

6:56 p.m. - 2003-07-30

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