daringtobe's Diaryland Diary

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You can have me no one wants me I am old and fat....

I had what could be construed as one of my worst personal days ever yesterday.

Now I am not comparing yesterday to any of the stuff I went through with my Mom last year. This is strictly crap that happens that completely strips you of any pride or self esteem you managed to acquire over the years.

I am having problems with birth control. My OBGYN is a jack ass and takes months to get into a new one so I made an appointment with my regular doctor's office but I asked for a female doctor thinking to myself, as a female they will realize my plight as a woman and my need to control my births and not get a serious illness or die from the method that I am currently taking. Not so dear readers...I think what I was able to walk away from my doctors visit is this: I am old and I just have to take what is out there or get sterlized and I was stupid for coming to them in the first place.

yes dear friends I am old and fat. They were kind enough to weigh me. So not only am I old, well past birthing years, I am overweight. After the appt I wanted to go sit in my car and cry.

I didn't though.

I should have, the "guy" is not into me but a girl that he was seeing prior to his girlfriend...he was just blowing off steam (or whatever he was blowing) until he could hook up with her again.

Life is sooo fucking wonderful sometimes.

And by the way.....I am getting sterilized. Seriously. I just going back to the male pig that told me that to begin with. And not because I think I'm too old to have any more kids, but I thought about it and I don't want to have anymore. Of my own.

Maybe this is how it was meant to be.

Now if you will excuse I am going to wallow in self pity before I realize there are others in the world that have it worse than I do.

7:29 a.m. - February 24, 2006

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